“For all of us, especially for women,
you need to know that everything
you want, you can have for yourself.
You don’t have to depend on anyone else.
You’re not at the effect of anyone
or anything else in the end . . .
if you want to take the reins of your life,
you can create the love in your life
that you most want.”
-Dr. Laura Berman
Completing a marathon brings with it a high, a raised confidence and belief in yourself that you may not have ever had or maybe had lost for a time. After finishing my second marathon recently, I was eager for this. I’ll be honest, it was in part what motivated me when I was thankful for the natural drug of adrenaline that kicked in. But the funny thing is, this instance, this particular time, the high is a bit different, and I think a lot of it has to do with where I am in my life at this point in time.
So, by the mere chance that I came across the above quote this past week I feel it serendipitous in regards to the timing. Often when an aphorism grabs hold of anyone, it is because they are ready for the lesson. They are ready to listen, to apply it to their life. And in this case, I was finally ready to hear this, and below is what I gathered from it.
To begin with, we must all ask ourselves how did we arrive at the moment we are now standing in? What has allowed us to be here? It is my hope that you are standing in a spot in which looking at your past reveals struggle, yet triumph, tears that eventually lead you to more joy because you refused to remain somewhere that didn’t sit well with you. Ultimately, I hope you are standing in a place that fills you with joy. But if that is not the case, you are reading this now and you are here, and the question still remains, what brought you here?
If you are reading this, you must have at least an inkling of continually trying to improve your life, to continually try to grow and evolve to become the best person you can be. That, in and of itself, is the greatest fuel to living a life that may have only at one point been visible in a dream.
Whatever you desire can be yours. Whatever life you dream to make for yourself, can be yours. You can stand on your own two feet and simply enjoy the company of others and view their kindness, friendship and love as the icing on the cake of the life that is yours. It doesn’t mean that you don’t work with people, it doesn’t mean that you shut people out, but it does mean that you rely on yourself, not others, to make your dreams a reality. After all, if everyone else is chasing their own dreams, there’s no one left to make yours come true, so get going. Start working. Start putting forth the effort, the passion, the sweat and the tears (because nothing ever worth having, ever came easy) that are necessary.
What I think is liberating about this quote is that for so many generations, historically and in each of our own ancestries, the idea of a woman needing something else to be complete, to be whole, to be worthy, was assumed. In the past few decades this has dissipated a bit, but the idea, shockingly, is still there. The opportunity to change that belief resides in each of us. As long as we believe that we are enough, we will be and the beauty and riches of life will come pouring in. It may take time, but a sense of relief, the sense of knowing you can stand on your own two feet, will be, and most likely already is for many women reading this, the most amazing and tremendous confidence builder you could ever find. And once you’ve accepted this realization and you have that confidence, you can begin to live life on your terms. It will take strength. You will have to say no at times. You will see some people walk away, but you will also see a lot of amazing people walk toward you.
There may be moments of doubt through this journey, but in these times, look to women who inspire you, who can advise you and will build you up. Whether it be people you can chat with face to face, over the phone, or even if it means diving into the biography of a woman who provokes you to stand up and stop leaning, go there. You will need it at times, but just know you can do it.
Think of the peace of mind, the sleep filled nights, and the satisfaction of knowing you can fall back on yourself. What a sweet reality.
Here’s to a beautiful and rewarding week everyone.